EMOTIONS
by HungryKaoNashi
Summary: "Just like what you've heard. He's asking you out." I answered before I step out on the elevator. Keeping my head straight, frowning and without looking at her direction.


CHAPTER 3: EMOTIONS

Note: This is purely Aizawa's thoughts in Episode 3. I know I posted this before but I changed and added some scenes.

* * *

Shinkai and I are discussing about Kanade-san's situation when the elevator door opens. Shiraishi courteously greet us instantly the moment she stepped in and Shinkai being considerate nodded in return and greets her back.

I immediately turn sideways, after throwing a quick glimpse on her face. Pretentiously ignoring her, but at the same time fighting the urge not to throw another glance. I swiftly put my calm emotionless façade and try hard to look uninterested.

However, even though being expressionless is my forte, there's still sets of circumstances where I can't fully takeover of my emotions. There are few occasions where I am unable to conceal the emotions I've been hiding for years and it just overflows on my face unconsciously. Most of it is particularly is when Shiraishi's involve.

But I can't let that happen now. Not in front of Shinkai

My thoughts were interrupted when he started talking to her. One of my eyebrows raise up on its own.

"How is Aizawa doing so far? Is he not causing any trouble to Lifesaving?" Shinkai asks, trying his best to be friendly with Shiraishi. His eyes were looking straight on her face.

I strive hard not to frown. As much as possible, I don't want to give them an impression, especially Shinkai, that I'm so much affected over their conversation. I don't want to give him a cue that there's one more important to me aside from interesting surgeries. - Shiraishi.

So even though I'm totally distracted with his idea of small talk, I still choose to behave uninterested like I normally do, I continue staring blankly at the elevator walls and rubs my thumb on my forefinger.

"He has a sharp tongue so I'm a bit worried but well he's been like that eversince, so were actually used to it." Shiraishi glanced at Shinkai, answering his question. I saw him take a glimpse at my direction, it's like assessing my reaction.

I close my eyes. Asking myself if I did something to stirred an idea on Shinkai's head that I like Shiraishi without noticing it. The way he acted right now is like he knows something and he obviously trying to get the answer he needed to confirm that.

Realization follows, the thought of his not so surprise reaction when he heard mine and Saijou Sensei conversation during the time I decided to transfer back in Lifesaving temporarily hits me. Ahhh. Actually, both of them acted like they were not surprise at all, it's like they're already expecting for it, which is somewhat peculiar because they both know the fact that I'm eyeing for Toronto. It makes sense now.

Maybe he knew. Yes, Shiraishi's the primary reason why I came back to Lifesaving but I don't have any responsibility to confirm it to him, or to anyone. I set aside the thoughts on my mind. I don't know what's running inside his head right now, and whatever it is, I don't care.

I'll just need to be careful from now on when I'm with him and make sure that he won't get anything else from me to confirm what he had in mind. If he really had it. I would not bluntly rub in his face that I'm interested with Shiraishi and reveal to him that she's one of my weakness.

"Somehow it gives me an impression that you're really familiar with each other." Shinkai grinned like an idiot. If only I can hurt a person through my mind, I think Shinkai's severely injured now. His presence with Shiraishi and the way he behaves in front of her right now really annoys me. It terribly irritates me and seriously driving me mad. Bigtime.

"It's because we've known each other for so long." she answers politely. Shinkai's reaction exhibit that he's really up to something.

The elevator door opens at last and finally Shinkai is stepping out. That makes me feel relieved! I let out a not so obvious sigh of relief. He started walking out but after a few steps, he suddenly stops and turn towards her again.

"Shiraishi Sensei, how about going for a meal with me next time?" My jaw muscles tightened but still trying my best to keep my calmness.

"Huh?" Shiraishi looking so confused and dazzled.

"I will listen to your complains about Aizawa Sensei." I saw at the corner of my eyes, Shinkai glanced at me with a triump smile on his face before he walks away. Seeing that smile on his face only means a confirmation on one thing: He knew all along, without a doubt - that I'm interested with Shiraishi. And yes. He won. He manages to get the reaction he wanted.

When the elevator door closes Shiraishi quickly turn towards me with an innocent expression on her face.

"What was that just now?" Not even have the slightest hint what Shinkai meant. If you don't know her at all, you honestly couldn't tell if she's just acting dense and clueless like she is right now, but believe it or not, knowing her for so long, she's not faking it. She was indeed this type of woman. That's why when I told her that I came back to Lifesaving because she's here and told her straight that "she's interesting", I didn't get any response at all. She just stared at me, confused and dazzled just like her reaction now.

Imagine how frustrated I am when I told her that. It literally took me years to indirectly confessed my feelings towards her, and all I get was a clueless expression on her face.

The indignant sensation brought by their conversation earlier, makes my head throbbing. I feel like it's going to burst any moment from now. I wobble my head a few times, trying to cool it down. But at this point, I can't hide my irritation anymore. I continuously stare blankly at the elevator walls, not even glancing on her direction.

The elevator opens its doors again and before I step out, I answered her question with a hint of annoyance and irritation in my voice.

"Just like what you've heard. He's asking you out."

* * *

"This is Shohoku Doctor Heli. The patient vomited inside the plane. Saejima-san, who came in direct contact with the vomitus, lost consciousness."

The moment I heard that from Shiraishi, fear comes across my face. I slowly move from the chair I am sitting, I am about to stand but my body froze midway, I felt cold all of a sudden and my mind went blank literally for a few seconds. All of us in resuscitation room were anxiously waiting for Shiraishi to say something else.

"Haitani and Shiraishi are also experiencing symptoms of nausea and vertigo." I stand up completely and ran quickly in Doctor Heli's control room. My heart's beating wildly. And my mind was full of fear, anxiety and apprehension. Mainly for Shiraishi but part of it were also for Saejima and Haitani. I ask the one sitting on the control room how long more before they arrive.

5 minutes. 5 minutes. 5 minutes. It repeatedly plays on my brain before I manage to recover my thoughts. I know she's going to be fine, but I can't ease the dread on my chest.

"Shiraishi, we will prepare for decontamination." After that I act swiftly and inform everyone to prepare for necessary arrangements. I contact Tachibana Sensei and inform him the details of the situation.

* * *

I walked in the resuscitation room and saw Shiraishi and Haitani talking seriously about the cyanide outbreak that happened a few days ago. One of those instances where I failed to hide my emotions and almost lost my resolve. Starting from the fear I had the moment I received her call to the relief I felt realizing she's fine when I saw I getting off the heli, standing on her own feet. I was thinking of leaving them initially, but my curiosity stops me, so I sat down in front of the computer near the door and attentively listen to their conversation.

Haitani was obviously feeling down, for not being able to think straight during the incident. Completely blaming himself for prioritizing his fear over his patient's welfare.

"I think I'm not meant to be a doctor."

I held myself in reserve, patiently waiting for Shiraishi's response. She stays quiet for a few seconds before she proceeds. She calmly asks Haitani the points to remember in damage control. Still in silence I continue listening to their conversation while checking something on the computer. When the latter manage to answer her question, she continues.

"But do you know, the most important point of damage control is having fear. In Akimoto-san's case it was impossible for us to stop the hemorrhage, If we continue with the surgery, most likely it would become the worst scenario. We discontinued temporarily that's why Akimoto-san was able to survive." she pauses. Setting me and what happened earlier as an example.

"For Aizawa Sensei to be able to make that decision showed a side of him which feared for his patient."

Again, after hearing Shiraishi's heartfelt speech to Haitani, I can't help but to be drawn more into her. The admiration I feel grew bigger and the love I have grew stronger. 9 years has passed and she still knows how to choose the most appropriate words to comfort and uplift someone's morale and self-esteem perfectly. She may be dense and clueless most of the time, but no one can argue and there's no doubt that she's indeed the heart of Lifesaving.

I'm not as compassionate as Shiraishi when it comes to the fellows, but what she told Haintani, motivates me to join to their heartfelt conversation. _"A word of praise coming from a senior doctor are magical words to trainees. With just a few simple words like that makes their worries and fatigue disappear in an instant."_ bearing in mind what she told me last time and showing support in Shiraishi's way of comforting Haitani.

"We manage to give the proper treatment because of you. And because of that, you had a hand in saving the patient's life and Saejima's." I said in a warm tone, expressing gratitude in my own way.

It's not that I believe that he was meant to be here, but he did help us in a way, if we didn't manage to identify the poison that Akimoto-san used immediately, we won't be able to save the patient's life and Saejima's. The fact that he had a hand in saving them, by simply stating the details he remembered, it's definite that he deserves to be complimented.

* * *

*Shiraishi smiles at Aizawa after he said that. Kyaaa

They seriously look like parents, parenting their child.

Yay! I know I posted this before, but I added all their scenes in Episode 3. Though it's a bit boring, but I'm really sooo into Aizawa's mind.


End file.
